i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
