Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
