I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you had me at cake vodka
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
