The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
