Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
