She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
