did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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