Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
