Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
