I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
