And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it because I queefed?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
