I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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