hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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