They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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