is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize