you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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