Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
