In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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