I got chris browned last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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