she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
