i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did you just see the Batmobile???
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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