I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
