I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
