So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
