I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
