i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
