my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize