Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
