she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
