Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
