4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
