Dude my mom stole all your condoms
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
