Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
