I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
