you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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