oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
