I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
