they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
