Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize