I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
