In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
