Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
