did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
