i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
