$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is Oprah even human
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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