Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
