I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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