Will you blow on my dice?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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