There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
