Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
