Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
