Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
