Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
