The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
