so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
