I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
