it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
