she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
