i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The air taste purple.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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