your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
