It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
