I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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