what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize