She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What a dumb baby whore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
