I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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