Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's the barista slut.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
