do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm like, not good at living.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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