Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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