can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The Olympian is in my bed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
