Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize