Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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