$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
