a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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