Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Shame - the story of my life.
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