I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
