this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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