This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
