and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
