spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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