My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
