so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
