i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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