Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
