if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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