12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
