i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
